A Better Alternative to New Year’s Resolutions

Every January, the pressure is on: Become a new you. Write a list of New Year’s resolutions, summon willpower, and hope you can out-stubborn real life.

And every year, many kind, capable humans discover the same truth: when resolutions fail, its not just about “self discipline.” They often fail because they’re built on an unforgiving model of change—one that assumes we can fully control our mood, motivation, schedule, stress level, health, and relationships for the next 12 months.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a gentler—and, in my view, sturdier—alternative: instead of trying to force a new life through resolutions, lets practice orienting to the life we want to stand for, and taking small, flexible steps in that direction. In ACT language: we clarify values, then build committed action that can bend without breaking.

Why values are better than resolutions (most of the time)

A resolution usually sounds like an endpoint: Lose 15 pounds. Stop procrastinating. Be less anxious. Call Grandma every week. Go to France.

Values are different. Values give us direction, like a point on a compass: “living with vitality,” “being a caring parent,” “being a trustworthy friend,” “being adventurous,” “contributing to my community.” We don't complete values. We return to them—again and again—especially when life gets messy.

Research on New Year’s resolutions backs up this difference. In a longitudinal study of New Year resolution pursuit, goal flexibility (the ability to adapt a goal to context) predicted well-being over time, even though people still struggled to consistently “stick” to resolutions. The authors describe goal flexibility as being able to “view setbacks with equanimity and adjust goal pursuit as required.” (Dickson, et al., 2021) That’s basically ACT in a sentence.

Values also show up in daily life in a powerful way. In a diary study tracking people for three weeks, days with more value-based actions were linked with lower distress and greater well-being, and well-being even predicted more value-based action the next day (Grégoire, et al., 2021). In other words: values aren’t just lofty ideals—they’re practical ingredients in better days.

A values-based New Year practice (no perfection required)

Here’s a simple process you can do in 20–30 minutes with a notebook and a warm beverage. I am going to do it myself as soon as I publish this blog!

1) Start with compassion, not a verdict

Before you plan anything, pause and notice the mind’s favorite January storyline: “This year I’ll fix myself,”  or "I don't know why I even do this. It never works." In ACT we practice defusion—stepping back from thoughts long enough to choose wisely.

Try this: “I’m having the thought that ________.” Then add: “Thank you, mind. I am going to notice that thought and let it float by like a cloud in the sky.” You’re not arguing with your brain; you’re just unhooking from it.

2) Look back to look forward

Ask two questions about the past year:

• When did I feel most like myself?

• When did I drift from what matters—and what got in the way?

  
  

This isn’t for self-criticism. It’s pattern recognition. You’re collecting clues about what you value and what your obstacles tend to be (stress, conflict, fatigue, avoidance, people-pleasing, loneliness, etc.).

3) Name 3–5 values you want to live by

Choose values that feel alive—not the ones you “should” pick.

Helpful prompt: “If someone I love watched how I spend my time this year, what would I hope they’d say I stand for?”

If you get stuck, use domains to brainstorm values and then pick the 3-5 you want to prioritize:

• Relationships (partner, family, friends)

• Health and vitality

• Work/learning

• Spirituality or meaning

• Community/service

• Play/creativity

Write your values as ways of being: “being present,” “being courageous,” “being nurturing,” “being curious,” “being reliable,” “being playful.”

4) Translate each value into one small, flexible action

This is where values become real.

For each value, finish this sentence:

“In January, a 1-3 small things I could do that are guided by this value could be: ______.”

Examples:

• Connection: Text one friend each week with a real check-in, say hello to my neighbors when I walk the dog, send grandma a card.

• Vitality: Go for a walk after lunch, start taking a multivitamin, schedule my annual physical

• Learning: Read two pages of a book before bed, schedule a continuing ed workshop, ask Monica if we can practice Spanish together sometimes when we hang out

• Community: Volunteer once this month, put my unused books in the neighborhood lending library, bring my neighbors trash cans in.

• Presence: One mindful breath before entering the house, listen to a guided meditation, give someone a really mindful, specific compliment.

Small is not silly. Small is repeatable. And repeatable is where identity and well-being quietly grow. That diary-study finding—that value-based actions link with better days—was about daily life, not grand transformations (Grégoire et al., 2021).

5) Plan for being human: the “When I drift…” clause

Instead of “I will never miss a workout,” try:

“When I drift, I will return with kindness by doing the smallest next step.”

Your smallest next step might be: put on shoes, open the document, wash one dish, step outside for one minute, send the one email, take one slow breath. This is psychological flexibility in action—the same quality linked to well-being in New Year goal research (Dickson, et al., 2021).

The point of a new year

The goal isn’t a flawless streak. The goal is a life that has richness and meaning and that feels like it belongs to you.

So if you want a New Year’s alternative to resolutions, try this: pick your direction, take one small step, notice what shows up inside you, and practice returning—again and again—to what matters.

That’s not a resolution. That’s a relationship with your values. And it can carry you far beyond January.

References (peer-reviewed):

Dickson, J. M., Moberly, N., Preece, D., Dodd, A., Huntly, C. (2021). Self-Regulatory Goal Motivational Processes in Sustained New Year Resolution Pursuit and Mental Wellbeing. (PDF)

Grégoire, S., Doucerain, M., Morin, L., & Finkelstein-Fox, L. (2021). The relationship between value-based actions, psychological distress and well-being: A multilevel diary study. (PDF)

[Lynn Northrop, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with more than two decades of experience treating adults of all ages and training other providers. She practices in person in San Diego and via telehealth throughout CA and FL. Reach her through the Get In Touch page on her website.]

Values give us direction, like a point on a compass. We don't complete values. We return to them—again and again—especially when life gets messy.