The past week and a half has been emotionally charged, to say the least. As a psychologist who practices Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), I’ve spent many hours sitting with clients who are deeply hurt, angry, and afraid in the wake of Donald Trump’s reelection. These feelings don’t stem from mere political differences; they come from a profound sense of vulnerability, fear for the future, and grief over what feels like a fractured national identity.
If you voted for President Trump, you might find yourself puzzled by the intensity of these emotions in your liberal friends and family. Maybe you’re frustrated, feeling judged, or unsure how to respond. You’re not alone in this, and neither are they. This is a moment that calls for compassion, curiosity, and connection—values that transcend political affiliation.
In this piece, I hope to offer some perspective to help you understand where your liberal loved ones are coming from and how you can receive them with openness. Using the principles of ACT, I’ll share five suggestions to help you navigate these conversations in ways that foster connection rather than division. These conversations are difficult. But if our families, communities and nation are to thrive we must be willing and prepared to do this work.
Understanding Why Your Loved Ones Are Hurting
Before diving into suggestions, let’s pause to reflect on why your liberal friends or family members might be struggling so profoundly. For many, the reelection of Donald Trump feels deeply personal. They see it as an endorsement of policies or rhetoric that, to them, represent harm or exclusion. These feelings may stem from concerns about civil rights, the environment, healthcare, or the treatment of marginalized groups. Even if you don’t see things the same way, their pain is real, rooted in a sense of loss and fear for themselves and for people and values they hold dear.
It’s also important to recognize that these emotions are often layered. They may include grief, anger, fear, and even despair about the future. ACT reminds us that emotions, even the most painful ones, are not problems to be solved but experiences to be acknowledged. Your loved ones don’t need fixing; they need to feel seen and understood.
1. Practice Openness: Hold Space for Their Pain
One of the core tenets of ACT is acceptance —making room for difficult emotions without trying to push them away or fix them. When someone you care about expresses anger or sadness over the election, resist the urge to debate or dismiss their feelings. Instead, try to hold space for them.
What this looks like:
If a loved one says they’re scared about the future, you might respond with, “I can hear how deeply this affects you. Tell me more about what’s on your mind.”
What not to do:
Avoid saying things like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or, “You’re overreacting.” These responses can shut down the conversation and deepen the divide.
Openness doesn’t mean agreeing—it means showing that you care about their experience, even if you don’t share it.
2. Practice Curiosity: Seek to Understand, Not to Argue
ACT emphasizes defusion, aka stepping back from rigid thoughts and opening ourselves to different perspectives. When political differences arise, it’s natural to feel defensive or want to explain your position. But true connection starts with curiosity.
What this looks like:
Ask open-ended questions like, “What worries you most about this election?” or, “What does this outcome mean to you?” Listen without forming a rebuttal in your mind.
Why it matters:
When people feel heard, they’re more likely to feel safe sharing their thoughts. This doesn’t mean you have to agree; it simply shows that you value their perspective.
3. Acknowledge Shared Values
ACT encourages us to focus on values—the guiding principles that give our lives meaning. Even in moments of disagreement, we can find common ground by connecting to shared values. For example, both you and your liberal loved ones may value family, fairness, kindness or safety, even if you have different ideas about how to achieve those goals.
What this looks like:
You might say, “I know we see things differently, but I think we both care deeply about making the world a better place for the next generation.”
What not to do:
Avoid assuming that your loved ones’ views are based on ignorance or bad intentions. This creates unnecessary conflict and erodes trust.
By focusing on shared values, you can create a foundation for understanding, even if your paths diverge.
4. Set and Receive Boundaries with Kindness and Grace
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, political discussions can become heated or emotionally draining. Setting boundaries isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about protecting relationships and respecting everyone’s emotional limits. Likewise, when a loved one sets a boundary with you, it can feel uncomfortable or even hurtful, but responding with flexibility and compassion can preserve connection.
How to Set Boundaries Kindly:
If a conversation starts to feel overwhelming, you might say, “I care about our relationship, and I don’t want politics to come between us. Can we take a break from this topic for now?” Make it clear that the boundary is about protecting the relationship, not rejecting the person.
How to Respond When Someone Sets a Boundary with You:
Hearing a boundary can sting, especially if it feels like rejection. However, ACT encourages us to practice defusion—stepping back from knee-jerk reactions and observing our thoughts and emotions without being consumed by them. If a loved one says, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing politics with you,” take a moment to breathe before responding. Instead of reacting defensively, try saying, “I hear you, and I respect that. Let me know how we can continue to connect in ways that feel good for both of us.”
Why This Matters:
Boundaries are not walls—they’re bridges to healthier relationships. When you respond to a boundary with respect, you’re showing your loved one that you value their emotional well-being. Flexibility in how you navigate these moments demonstrates maturity and care.
Boundaries, whether set by you or received from others, can create space for relationships to thrive. Meeting them with kindness reinforces trust and fosters mutual respect, even when disagreements arise.
5. Commit to Small Acts of Connection
ACT emphasizes committed action—taking small, values-driven steps, even in the face of discomfort. Building bridges in divided families doesn’t require grand gestures; small acts of kindness and connection can make a big difference.
What this looks like:
Send a text to check in on how they’re doing.
Invite them to share a meal or participate in a non-political activity together.
Acknowledge their strengths or contributions, such as, “I really admire how much you care about [specific issue].”
Why it matters:
These actions reinforce the relationship and remind your loved ones that your bond extends beyond politics.
Connection is built through consistent, intentional actions that prioritize the relationship over the divide.
Compassion-it!
It’s easy to feel defensive when political differences feel personal. But compassion is a powerful antidote to division. Compassion doesn’t mean sacrificing your beliefs or condoning things you disagree with; it means recognizing the humanity in others and showing up with kindness, even when it’s hard.
Compassion also requires self-care. If conversations feel too heavy, take a break to recharge. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and setting healthy boundaries for yourself allows you to bring your best self to the relationship.
Reasons to Hope
Despite the tension, there’s hope. History shows us that families and communities can overcome deep divisions through mutual understanding and shared humanity. Progress often begins in relationships, where people learn from one another and grow together over time.
Your willingness to listen, seek understanding, and prioritize connection has the power to create ripples of change—not just in your relationships, but in the broader culture. By showing up with openness and compassion, you contribute to a world where differences don’t have to mean disconnection.
Closing Thoughts
These are difficult times, and no one has all the answers. But as an ACT psychologist, I’ve seen the power of psychological flexibility, values-driven action, and compassion to transform even the most challenging relationships. If you can approach your liberal loved ones with openness, curiosity, and kindness, you may find that connection is still possible—even in the face of profound differences.
This is hard work, but it’s worth it. The bridges we build today will shape the world we create tomorrow. And that’s something worth hoping for.
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